Traits and Patterns I Have Witnessed Firsthand in Trauma Recovery
The journey of healing often invites us to look honestly at the behaviors and patterns that no longer serve our highest good. These traits are not who we are — they are survival strategies, defense mechanisms, or learned behaviors developed in response to pain, fear, or disconnection.
I’ve most commonly witnessed these traits in individuals navigating addiction — whether to substances or to behaviors. Addiction isn’t limited to drugs or alcohol; many people experience process addictions like codependency, people pleasing, workaholism, disordered eating, shopping, spending money, or obsessive thinking, which are often overlooked or minimized.
The following patterns may show up in those navigating addiction and recovery from trauma. Not everyone will resonate with all of them — this is simply an invitation for self-reflection with curiosity and compassion:
A strong need to be right
Preferring the “easier” or “softer” path, avoiding discomfort
Blaming others when things go wrong
Feeling intense or disproportionate anger
A sense of not belonging or feeling different from others
Believing oneself to be “special” or uniquely exempt
Using sarcasm as a defense
Manipulating situations or others as a way to feel safe, in control, or to get needs met — often without full awareness of the impact on others
Struggling to see beyond one’s own experience (self-centeredness)
Trying to control people or outcomes
Reacting from a younger emotional age (tantrums, whining, complaining)
Withholding truth (lying or secret-keeping)
Distrust or suspicion of others (paranoia)
Quick to judge or criticize
Acting impulsively
Avoiding responsibilities (procrastination)
Seeing the world or situations in extremes — all good or all bad (black-and-white thinking)
Making commitments and struggling to follow through (not being a person of your word)
Falling into a victim mindset or “poor me” thinking
Holding on to resentment or grudges
Acting from stubbornness or rigidity (I payfully call it Stubborn AF)
Knowing these behaviors listed are harmful, yet continuing with them
These traits are not flaws — they are wounds in motion. I offer them not to shame, blame, or criticize, but to gently illuminate the shadow places we may resist seeing in ourselves. These patterns are often painful, and when we avoid that pain — or bypass it with “positive thinking” — they continue to quietly disrupt our ability to live from our highest self.
Many of these behaviors operate beneath the surface, unconsciously steering our lives. Bringing them into the light is the first step toward true healing.
Shamanism honors pain. It invites it in. It holds sacred space for it without trying to fix, rush, or dismiss it — and that is why I fell in love with this path in 2013. It doesn’t bypass. It walks with the wound, toward wholeness.
My delivery is direct — I speak truth as I see it — and I understand this can sometimes activate discomfort. Please know: my directness is never separate from the deep love, empathy, and compassion I carry for every human I work with. I’ve walked this path myself, and I’ve had the sacred honor of walking it alongside thousands of others over the past 40 years.
This is offered in service of your healing, your wholeness, and your freedom.
✨ Healing is possible when we meet ourselves — and each other — with truth, courage, honesty, love & compassion.✨
