When Did We Forget We Needed Each Other?

The Power of Influence, Self-Awareness, and Personal Empowerment

How did human beings move from needing one another for survival to creating systems in which some people believed they had the right to own, control, and dominate others?

This question has been sitting heavily on my heart.

As I continue exploring human history, colonization, enslavement, and the development of social hierarchies, I find myself feeling a profound sadness.

How did we get here?

How did we come to believe that one human being could be worth more than another? That someone’s skin color, gender, religion, ancestry, or economic standing could determine their value?

And perhaps the question that interests me most:

How much of this way of thinking are we still carrying today without even realizing it?

From Interdependence to Domination

Throughout human history, our survival has depended on one another.

We have relied on cooperation, relationships, shared knowledge, and collective efforts to provide food, protection, and care for our communities.

Of course, human history has never been entirely peaceful. Conflict, competition, and domination have existed alongside cooperation.

Yet societies have organized themselves in remarkably different ways. Rigid hierarchies and inherited systems of inequality were not inevitable.

Over time, some societies developed systems that concentrated wealth, land, resources, and power in the hands of a few. These systems eventually became embedded in governments, economies, religions, and cultural traditions.

And in some societies, human beings were reduced to property.

Imagine that for a moment.

A human being deciding that another human being belonged to them.

Not because nature declared it so, but because human beings created beliefs, laws, and institutions that made it possible.

What fascinates and saddens me is how generations of people came to accept these systems as normal.

And that brings me to something I explore deeply in my work: the power of influence.

The Influence We Inherit and the Influence We Have

From the moment we enter this world, we are being influenced.

Our families, cultures, religions, educational systems, communities, and personal experiences shape how we see ourselves and others.

Long before we learn to question what we’re being taught, we begin absorbing beliefs about who deserves respect, what makes someone valuable, and how we’re supposed to behave.

Some influences nurture us. Others create fear, shame, judgment, or a need for control.

But just because a belief has been passed down through generations doesn’t mean it’s true or worthy of continuing.

And influence doesn’t stop with what we receive.

We are also influencing others, often without realizing it.

A parent’s criticism can become a child’s internal voice.

A teacher’s encouragement can awaken a gift someone never knew they possessed.

A partner’s judgment can cause us to question our worth.

A stranger’s kindness can restore our faith in humanity.

Our words, behaviors, judgments, and even our silence can affect how another person experiences themselves and the world.

Someone may remember a sentence you spoke years ago that you’ve long forgotten.

Think about the responsibility and, also, the opportunity that comes with recognizing our influence.

When Influence Becomes an Attempt to Control

This subject is personal for me.

For many years in my former marriage, I believed that if I continued learning, growing, and developing healthier ways of communicating, I could somehow influence my former husband to do the same.

I hoped that the love, compassion, patience, and understanding I was learning to practice would inspire him to communicate and relate differently.

I believed that if I could just use the right words, use the proper tone, and approach things with enough empathy - even keep my facial expressions neutral- I could demonstrate another way of relating and believing things would change.

What I eventually came to understand was that my personal growth could change how I showed up in the relationship, but it could not make him choose to grow alongside me.

I affectionately refer to this part of my journey as retiring my hero cape.

For years, I wore that imaginary cape, believing it was somehow my responsibility to help another person become the person I hoped they could be.

Today, that cape is retired.

And the lesson remains central to my work:

We can influence others, but we cannot do their inner work for them. 

Self-Awareness Is the Beginning of Empowerment

This is where history becomes personal.

It’s easy to recognize domination, injustice, and harmful behavior when examining the actions of people who lived hundreds of years ago.

It’s much more challenging to recognize the subtle ways control, judgment, and inherited beliefs may be operating within our own lives.

Do we attempt to control someone because uncertainty frightens us?

Do we judge others because their choices challenge our beliefs?

Do we silence ourselves because we’ve learned that keeping the peace matters more than expressing our truth?

Do we avoid conflict because it’s too hard to address it?

Do we seek approval because we haven’t yet learned to trust ourselves?

And how often do we give away our personal power while resenting the influence someone else has over us?

These questions aren’t invitations to criticize ourselves.

They’re opportunities to become curious.

One of the central teachings in my work at Soul Vision is that we cannot change another person. We can only become responsible for how we respond.

That doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment, ignoring injustice, or pretending systems of oppression don’t exist.

It means recognizing what belongs to us and what does not.

We can question the beliefs we’ve inherited.

We can recognize when fear is driving our decisions.

We can establish boundaries without attempting to control others.

We can become more discerning about whose influence we welcome into our lives.

And we can examine how our own words and actions are affecting those around us.

There is a profound difference between having power over another human being and having power within ourselves.

One depends on domination.

The other grows through self-awareness, personal responsibility, and conscious choice.

What Are We Passing Along?

I often wonder what our world might look like if more of us devoted as much energy to understanding ourselves as we do to criticizing, judging, and attempting to change others.

What if we became more curious about our own reactions?

What if we questioned the stories we tell ourselves about people who are different from us?

What if we became more intentional about the influence we have on our children, partners, friends, and communities?

We may not have chosen the beliefs and patterns we inherited, but we can become conscious of what we’re carrying forward.

And while personal self-awareness alone cannot resolve centuries of injustice, it can change how we participate in our relationships, communities, and collective future.

Influence is inevitable. Control is a choice. Awareness gives us the opportunity to recognize the difference.

So I leave you with the question that began this reflection:

How did human beings move from needing one another for survival to believing they had the right to control one another?

And perhaps an even more important question:

What am I willing to become conscious of within myself so that I no longer contribute to the patterns I wish to see changed in the world?

Because we inherited a world shaped by generations of human decisions.

And through the awareness we develop and the choices we make, we participate in shaping the world that future generations will inherit.

About Soul Vision

Through my work as a Shamanic Practitioner and Intuitive Guide, I support individuals in exploring inherited beliefs, recognizing unconscious patterns, and developing deeper self-awareness.

My approach to Holistic and Spiritual Guidance invites you to reconnect with your own inner knowing, take responsibility for what belongs to you, and make more conscious choices about how you live, love, and influence the world around you.

~Jules Andersen
Soul Vision